Thursday, July 21, 2005

Just wondering

Wondering if this is it for my blogging experience. Was pretty fun while it lasted, more beneficial than I had thought, and just as soothing as I had hoped --but not anymore.

I feel that I've let everything out, and that whoever reads my entire blog will pretty much know me too well, and what's left of me I'd rather keep for myself. Contemplated putting up my picture since I feel it adds nothing compared to all what I've written here.

I'm not a journalist, never wanted to be, so its not my job to comment on the world affairs. There are better people who can do that, and I don't feel that I'm saying anything new anymore.

Everytime I wrote a post in this blog I thought afterwards that I have nothing more to add, until something occupies my mind that I end up writing about it. This time its taking longer than usual. Or rather, I don't want to write or share what's occupying my mind these days. All is too unknown for me to write about, which makes it too private. Every aspect of my life is too unknown at this moment, and it scares me.

I'm sure that eventually something will bug me so much, or I'll like something so much that I'll want to write it down, but I'm currently just in an unknown state.

I do like writing, and I get this urge to write from time to time, about different things that I think about. To capture thoughts that occupy my mind for an instance of my life. This blog just made me do it more often than not.

I'd rather have a real connection with the world than this semi-real one though, but that was never the intention of this blog. I just wanted to write.. "to know what I think."

Well, I'm just wondering, and felt like writing that down.

13 comments:

haal said...

The unknown scares us. Very much actually.

Nothing beats real connections.

Jane said...

I understand what you are saying. Putting too much of yourself out there in cyberspace can make you feel almost naked in your honesty. You would be much missed should you decide to retire your blog and I hope you will keep an open mind about the future. Reading your posts and the comments of others has been a good way for me to learn of others' point of view. It has been interesting and informative. If this is how you choose to end your blog, let me be the first to say cheers on a job well done. You can be proud of what you've created here. If you continue on, I look forward to reading.

roora said...

hi and welcome back

yeah there is no problem to share and put your thoughts but this doesnt mean that u wont be connected with the real world, real world and real connection with people is more effective and have a lasting effect than the virtual one , i can tell .

nothing is known to the moment , for all of us, at least u have a new job that u like now at last , so that is great for you.

i understand about writing something , to know what u r thinking of !
i do that but with my diary , maybe it is useful to face yourself with some of your hidden thoughts

LouLou said...

"I'd rather have a real connection with the world than this semi-real one."

If blogging has interfered with your real connections or if you feel that they would improve if you stop blogging then it seems to me that there is no contest. Your blog has to take second place.

Blogging can't replace real life or real communication. It's just a means of keeping a record of your real life, analyzing it, sharing it.

Have you watched "Shall We Dance?" - the movie with J-Lo & Richard Gere?In the movie someone asks Richard Gere's wife why she thinks marriage is important & she says it's because when you're married & you have a family you have witnesses to your life. She meant your daily life in all its details, your daily thoughts, rants & daily feelings.

A blog can't replace marriage & family but I think it kind of serves the same purpose no?

Personally started blogging because I love to write & have always kept a personal diary. Have been doing that since I was 13. Sometimes when I want to share something with a friend I just let them read my diary. Could never be as honest & articulate orally as I am in writing.

But there was a practical problem. My diary came to be composed of too many notebooks. A huge cardboard box full of them & counting. And keeping it private has become difficult. Where do you hide something that big? And so my blog is my new diary.

If someone I know stumbles across it they would recognize me & themselves so that is a risk but most of the people I know aren't really into the internet & even if they were they wouldn't easily find it if I didn't point them to it.

We will miss you if you stop blogging though:)Am not trying to get rid of you or anything:)

Al Sharief said...

The Mood is "Reserved",
This is What I got from this Post.
It's been pleasure depecting your moods through your crafty written Blogs. Nicely Written still..

Some Bloggers highlights their moods in reaching out. Some times it's more fun to capture the writer mood without them publishing it.

"I feel that I've let everything out" It's realy your take on things & the way you articulate is what attracts folks to this blog , Not much the personal experiences per say ...

It would be nice to have you in the blogOsphere ;)

MoonLightShadow said...

I don’t know why I find blogging more helpful when it comes to that state of fearing the unknown. I felt it gave me space to let it all out.. my fears, and my confusions. I’d rather share these fears in the cyber space rather in real life.

I’ve always kept a diary of my own as well.. but as Loulou said, keeping a number of notebooks private wasn’t easy. Plus, despite the fact that I’m that kind of a private person, and I hardly share anything with people around, I felt that I need to share things I write with people.

I was confused between that opening up or not to. Blogging came that soothing solution for me.

Looking forward to this thing that will bug you so much or the thing that you will like so much :)

Gilgamish said...

hey mohammed,

your postings will be missed, even though i'm new to the whole bloging scene, but for a month, your blog was part of my daily routine. i wish you the best. :)
and in one of your postings, you said "I wonder why I am not with the cinderalla" something like that, when you were sitting with your divorced friend and her (the cinderalla), i duno, you should ask her out :D (i've been wanting to tell you that , but i did not have the guts) :D :)

and about not liking that you let mostly everything out, it is a normal , natural thing. Before, i never used to care about anything called secrets or personal matters that supposed to be "private", but i got hit with a bump,and became social conscouis and starting talking prvt things with the only people that actually care about me, and then the circle got even smaller, to people that can take people venting and not confusing personal problems with other problems, analytical people.

but u wonder why am i blogging, i think i need a mature crowd, and learn from other people's comments, even though i still feel, i'm letting some dear secrets out, but i just do it for the sake of being connected to others, probably it is my time to let other people hear me, and probably will stop when i feel it is time, like you did.

Me,Myself and I said...

Am not a blogger myself but i know a number personally, and none of them are only virtually connected to life...they just feel like writing their thoughts..and why not share them...never got the sense that you were not really connected to life and its happenings...you came across as having the "best" of the two worlds..so..and being in a state of mind of "unknown" oh well, that is the beauty of it...we are all, even though some of us might not be aware of it..you are just aware..I do not go very much for being "grounded" even though i come across that i am really grounded...I will miss your blogs, helped me think through things, kept me informed-and you seem to be a very nice person who cares...so enjoy the interlude...and do whatever you feel like doing...and hey thanks too for making me feel less technologically challenged..for one thing..u gave me some tech confidence..and i am sure that you do not know...you might even have started this blog just to be there for me to bump in you and lose my tech fear.. c ya.

chor said...

I originally discovered your blog several weeks before I left Cairo, and I kept reading it, first because to dwell on nostalgia for the city, and then eventually because I appreciated your insight on the going-ons of Egypt and just Egyptian life in general. Whatever you decide to do, thanks for the good entries.

Karim Elsahy said...

Set up a protest against terrorism tomorrow in the streets of Cairo. Do it. Call everyone you know, join together, link up this Egyptian blogosphere and to the streets.

Karim Elsahy

www.onearabworld.blog.com

Jane said...

Mohamed I've just learned of the bombings in Egypt. You are in my thoughts and I hope you and your loved ones are safe.

Mohamed said...

Why does this sound like a farewell party?! I'm not going anywhere. Just wondering, you know. That's all. I'm now in an unknown state, but in a couple of weeks I'll start my new job (after rejecting my other offer which was much higher!) so a big part of that unknown state will vanish to hopefully be replaced with a very-busy state. So hopefully, blogging will slow down in either case.

Alina said...

Well, I am selfish, i've always been like that, so I do hope your blogging will NOT slow down! :))