Friday, April 08, 2005

Mars & Venus

Yes, enough politics. A woman is whom I'll be stuck with for the rest of my life, not Hosni. Thanks Haal for the reminder.

I've said it frequently (within many of my posts), political change alone is not the answer to our problems, and as I agree with Haal, "politics is not the core of any of our problems. It is us, our socio-culture structure, the way we think, react, and deal with eachother that puts us in this glum situation." So enough politics, let's talk about something that can make a difference in our lives. How do you like your soulmate?

Not that I have one right now, but still, too much to write about here really. Here are a few thoughts.

Did you ever fall for the wrong person? The complete opposite of you, whom by no mean would you be compatible with, and you kept convincing yourself, "we are different, we will complement each other". Well to a limit, yes you will, but don't take it too far. So are we typically attracted to what we don't have, seek what is not available to us?

I personally get attracted to many qualities that I don't have. I like a smart girl for example. But is it really smart of me to fall for a smart girl? (not because she should be dumb and submissive, like many would jump to this conclusion, but because its not really smart of me to be with someone who's much smarter than myself).

How can two complete opposites fall in love, unless they're really stupid, and keep convincing themselves "we will complete each other"! I think couples should be relatively close on the comptability scale when it comes to economic and social background, and they should have a close enough value system, with compatible characters. Otherwise, just give it up right now.

So then, if a couple fall in love regardless of their compatability and background, does love really solve their problems? I keep wondering about those people who fall in love blindly, without working their brains. Is that really possible? Can one fall in real love without measuring the odds of success of that relationship. So here's a big question, what is love? How does one fall in love. Different from person to another, that's for sure. But is it really just pure magic? I don't think so. I think it must be a combination of things, magic, or characters' compatability being one of them. How they treat each other is another. Getting attached, and spending a lifetime together is another. All that is love, and other things too.

Did you ever see a couple who are living a love story fight like hell, and can't solve their problems? Have you ever seen a couple who have married after a great love story get a miserable divorce? I have. So how did love solve their problems? It didn't. They threw their brains out of the window when they chose each other, and they threw it once again, when they couldn't work out their problems.

So is love useless. Hell no. The best feeling ever, but if you don't want it to be an intermittent feeling that ends up hurting so bad on the long run, you'd better balance things out with your brains abit.

Oh, and don't ask me for advice on those matters. I'm an idiot as anyone when it comes to love.


ringgit said...

Hahaha.. and that is the reason why I like your blog so much. You don't just post political stuff :)

I agree with what you said on the compatibility in terms of social-economic. This is very important. Love and feelings can be built over time but these external factors are much more difficult to overcome. To build love, all it takes is two people. To change the lifestyle and the people around the couple needs Herculean-like strength.

Unless, both people decide to elope and start a new life somewhere. That may be plausible.

tic said...

You know what, this topic is even more sensitive and more complicated than yesterday's bomb in Khan El-Khalili! Will be watching this conversation definitly ;)

haal said...

hey! Is this all what you can come up with?Smart, ompatability, love.. cm'on Mo. I know you can do better than that.

Anonymous said...

We choose our opposites but later on we want to change him/her to be like us.

For me, compatability and feeling comfortable around are what I look for in my partner. The ability to be myself regardless my stupidity, sillness.... Who cares about 'smartness' if you are always uncomfortable and feel like being in a combat.

Mohamed said...

Come on Haal, give me a break. I wrote this post a few minutes after I read your request. You've gotta give me some credit!

What's your thoughts, maybe I'll come up with more then.

Haal said...

emotion manipulation and draining; insecurity.

What do you really want from us? Seriously! To click on the hidden, sad, confused part or to glorify and play on your ego.

Mohamed said...

"emotion manipulation and draining", are we talking about Mars or Venus here?

What do you really want from us? hehe..

All I want is a healthy relationship, with deep emotions, and mutual enjoyment. No manipulation, no draining, no inferiority complexes, and no desires for submissiveness (from either party), and no push-pull games (or those fishing rods mentioned on your blog!). I want to be myself, and be loved for who I am, and have her be herself, and hopefully love her for who she is. Just someone to share my life with, and enjoy it with. Grow together and reach our goals together.

That simple, yet practically almost impossible!

Al Sharief said...

comptability it is...
It what gives love life a chance to be born, grow, mature, survives, and lasts.
"emotion manipulation and draining" happens anyway, yet most people are not concious or not mature enough to realize that they are excercising, at least manipulation...Draining starts in the absence of compatability facing the problems beyond the relationship (family, socity, hardships...,etc)

Love could be great , my favorite attemps to undersrand and comprehend is the famous quadric circle that link "Love" to Life and Living via Caring and Sharing. It goes :

Caring is the art of Sharing.
Sharing is the art of Living.
Living is the art of Loving.
Loving is the art of Caring.

One may even replace (caring, sharing, living, and Loving) at different orders and it could still make sense to some one),if you want to be flexable and to the extent which a partner is most artistic at a trait ( Loving or caring, sharing , or living ) in a relationship.

The second, always refreshing, favorite of trying to understand what Love is? is Love is ... I mean the cartoon art of Bill Asprey (and others), the Love is ... artist for more than 28 years capturing gestures and states of what love could be on daily cartoons in a beautiful ( and a lot of other ways.

Haal said...

Al-Sharief, I like your circle thing. But there are problems in each one of them.

Caring and sharing: What is the right dose? hehe. This is a real problem in these two stations.

Loving and living: love who first, ourselves or the partner. If you want to be 'a sacrifice guy/gal typo', give urself away for the one you love, it wont work. On the other hand, if you are selfcentered, then it also doesnt work out. Everyone needs someone to take care of him/her!

Plus 'expectation' is the killer! 'I expect u to do this and that. To be this and that....bla bla' This really makes me 'personally' go bananas and all the time try to predict what I should be doing... which is not me! and this is enough to make me change into a kamikazee! Explode.

Mo, yes, I love your definition to what you want. But as you quickly recovered from the short dream you had, it will never happen like this. 1)u both must be mature enough to realize that this is what you really want, 2) to be open, frank and urselves is not easy. It needs a lot of trust and faith and desire to have things work out. 3)comfort level is the most important thing. Both with urself (no shame) and with the partner.

Complete opposite does attract! Sure, and it is fun as it takes you away from the boring steady life, to a more dynamic one. But later on, it becomes more of a struggle than anyother thing.

Anonymous said...

Oh God. Who isn't idiot when it comes to love. Maybe what we experience isn't love, something else!

Al Sharief said...


Haal that's why I agree with Mo & Anonymous that comptability it is... which will hopfully lead to the wanted "healthy" relatioship via few acts of ballance some would want to call reaching out, harmonizing, supporting eachother.. some other could call it "emotional manipulation" depending at which stage of the relationship and I agree with you that this happen anyway regardles if people are awre of that or NOT.
As for the Caring--Sharing--Living--Loving circle It is very simple sincere straight continious circle that feed on it's sincere deeds & efforts, and yes you are right it requres the usual ballancing act with the principal idea intact:
When one masters Caring, Sharing becomes natural and seemless.
When Sharing is @ it's peak performence, Living becomes possiable, bearable, and even enjoyable.
Living supported by the nourishing Caring & Sharing environment/relationship, could makes prosperous life Lovely.
HEALTHY Loving is pleasing and the ultimate state of ballanced proper Caring...
A bit of this and a bit of that within the same one unit circle...
Even attracted Opposites could survives in such a unit circle BUT with more signficant efforts to make things work out I imagine... No Problems... Be Happy :)

agent_browneyes said...

All of you have made some good points, and as sad as it is i will agree that economic, socail and eniormental background are very essential. we would all like to believe the cinderella story of love conquering all, and that it doesn't matter if he grew up in a poor Egyptian family with good values, and she is a rich american that works really hard. But they love eachother so they promise to make it work. Great.

Im not saying that cant happen, and the rich should marry the rich and the poor should marry the poor, ofcourse not. but this social indifference does and will eventually be a problem for the couple, and only one thing can make it work. COMPRIMISE. and not just with scenarios like this one, but with any relationship, weather its with your spouse, your mother, father, children, co-workers. its all about COMPRIMISE. and that is a 2 way street, its gotta be genuine and from both parties involved, otherwise it doesnt stand a chance.