Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Feeling pregnant

It came as a total surprise, when I was least expecting it, and when I was most desiring it. A long fight lasting a few days, I was getting tired. She was very annoyed, causing her to have headaches and vomit twice! Friday morning, after we made up, I wonder, isn't it abit late? I insist on getting a home test, only to have a reason not to go to her friend's party in the middle of the desert. Even though I had little hope the test would be positive so we have reason to cancel the desert trip, it was a complete shock when it did turn positive. Still in doubt, I could not have an affirmation until the blood test result came out the following day.

It does feel weird. On the one hand, its an amazing feeling to know that you're taking part in this great process --creation of a new life, and knowing that this new life is derived from you. An awesome feeling already, even before you see the physical result of it. On the other hand, many worries start to creep into your mind, from pregnancy complications, to birth defects (including the possibility of being a Sagittarius girl), to how your life will dramatically change once this guy is out there in the air.

According to the medical community we're in week 5, to me its only week 1. It only counts when you know about it. So for the last week, I've been reading everything I can about pregnancy, what not to eat, what not to do, what is safe, what's unsafe, phases of pregnancy. For the most part, I want to make sure we're doing things right and am trying to reduce the risks, especially that our lifestyles are so unhealthy. But I also keep reading about all the details of the pregnancy and am eager to find more stuff to read about it, because I want to live the experience and I want to try to feel every phase of the creation of this life that is derived from me. Ofcourse its tiring. She feels exhausted without exerting external effort. Vomiting and nausea are not fun. However, I maybe feeling abit jealous that she's the one going through all this, actively participating in creating that womb, and feeling every bit of this soul's development, and not me!