Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Void

He feels an intense flood of emotions turning him over. Everynow and then he tries to run away, but it always gets to him. Doesn't want to bend over, or else he's screwed. Why can't he just avoid it? Walk away. He feels belittled. He feels disappointed. He feels betrayed. He's hurt. Physically hurt with a cramped abdomen. Why did he think he was different?!

But its all unreal, almost fake. A figment of our imagination, but a wonderful creation. Never really there, never really shared, never really felt him, never really cared. Its all made up, and worst of all, its not reciprocal. One of a million, not in a million. Time to wake up and know where he stands. That would be nowhere. He's just a shadow, of every passer by, mixed with her own. She sees herself through him, she reflects on him. That's all he's good for. Never wants to see him, never wants to find him, just wants his mirage lying there.

He doesn't want to build a sand castle. It always crumbles. Needs a solid ground, and two skilled workers for it to withstand. He prayed it twice, each with an instant response. Isn't it clear?! Wake up and know your place.

Seems he's trying to fill the void. At times, his life looks like a void. Damn that void. No, he's not a loser. Just ain't getting what he wants. Maybe he's not trying hard enough, but aim for what, and based on what. Its all unreal, and patience has been consumed.

He needs to share, but no one to share it with. Wishes to keep it inside, to deny or ignore, and so be strong. Sharing equals weakness, admission equals weakness, and that's a bad start, but always a good ending. Just shut up and run away.

8 comments:

Charismatic Soul said...

well mohamed, as i see it, we all fall in a void in all different stages in our lives, but only the strong smart ones manage to bring themselves out of it, or at least try hard enough.

some choose to stay in the void a bit longer till they know what they want to do when they get out, some just give in and stay there without them even noticing.

its all in our minds and hearts, inseperable if you ask me.

am i making sense here? hope so.

LouLou said...

Mohamed,

"Sharing equals weakness"

You really believe this?That sharing is weakness?Why?

Sharing takes so strength & confidence.

Mohamed said...

Sharing the wrong things is weakness Loulou.

tota said...
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tota said...
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MoonLightShadow said...

"He needs to share, but no one to share it with" and the reason is "Wishes to keep it inside, to deny or ignore" coz he thought "and so be strong".

"Sharing the wrong things is weakness"
Is there something called sharing the wrong things?! It's about sharing everything, and that was never a weakness. Neither was admission. Weakness is runing away!

Mohamed said...

Moon, there is a right person, a right time and a right thing to share. Never share the wrong thing with the wrong person at the wrong time.

No such thing as sharing everything. Running away is a weakness, but so is uncontrollable sharing.

kimya said...

Interesting how the word VOID jumped up at me all week.. in the local papers.. in a song.. and now your blog. Someone recently sent me this as text message: In the abyss of the heart, the mole walks upright, while the hawk scratches around blindly..Surrender to be in control. He said it was just a thought, but as a friend who claims to know me well, perhaps theres a lesson in there. A lesson against what seems like an intimidating independence not meant, not allowed. Perhaps.