Floating
She finally said it; "are you willing to commit to a foreigner?" Huh, didn't really think of it this way, and yes, that's what I've been realizing, yet not really accepting. I admire much of them, yet we are different in the core, us and them, our value-system is different, and that's the most important in a relationship. Well, atleast our perception and life view is very different. Maybe its just a difference in characters. If she loves you, shouldn't that be all! But without proper reasons, love doesn't last, good treatment doesn't last, a healthy relationship doesn't last. She loves you because she thinks you love her, and she loves your way of loving her. Not good enough reasons.
I admired the search of the roots and the mix of cultures, but there's no connection with those roots. Its a search to find and discover, but not to connect and to carry. That's how I handle other cultures, discover and observe, but not to connect and integrate. So neither of us will carry the other's culture and roots and live with them.
Can't help but have this internal sarcasm when she refers to God. Sometimes I speak out, "leave God out of it please."
Yes, their pragmatism, taking life easily with no red-lines and no taboos, and lack of His control might be of the reasons for their achievements. The strengh of faith, strength of my principles, and strengh of my values are becoming in question -but maybe they ought to be. They should be questioned yes, but in a different context.
We have nothing in common, we certainly don't match. We have turned out to be two extremes. Even if I think positively that we can work on this, or work around it to make this relationship work, I'm having one or two issues which are haunting me.
My mind tells me this relationship is a forced one, put together by two who artifically put theirselves together. I don't think our love is real, even hers which seems so strong, she can't share herself with me and I can't with her. I'm afraid that she and I just *want* to be in love. But she is different than me, she sees all the differences, she does not enjoy many of our moments together, yet she is very positive and does not give up. But for how long can she fool herself, people just don't matchup by force, and just being good to each other, respectful, tender and emotional doesn't build an interesting and good relationship.
My feelings are fading and we don't seem to enjoy each other. I don't enjoy being with you, and I believe neither do you, and I don't yearn to be with you, and that's a scary feeling to have now.
Along with all that, I'm just simply not what you want, and you're not what I want. I think I know who you are now, not the girl I thought I knew at first. While I thought this might be the compromise I should make, its very hard to compromise in this while being haunted by that.
Even the beauty I saw in your kindness, tenderness and loving character is starting to get distorted with the hard side of your character that I'm seeing. She'll put you at ease, but she'll do as she please.
I just don't see this relationship working out, can't see us as a right couple that can last in a healthy relationship anymore. Better end it now than later.
You should be putting your efforts and investing with another guy, in a different relationship. This one will not give you what you want, will not take you where you want to go.
9 comments:
hi mhd.
very interesting blog.
i think we have alot we need to talk about.
i know u might think i am a weirdo (writing this at 4:33 am) but i am not.
i am just someone who needs u i think.
i dont know how to reach u though.
sorry
And yet I wonder, what is it with you guys giving up so easy? You are so weak and expect us to be so strong...you cannot bare someone too much like you, but too much unlike you is even worse. You cannot trus your love and you dare question the strength in others' love...And you further call us the "weak" gender...It is really driving me crazy...Maybe you are right, Mo, maybe you aren't. Humor me, if you don't want to reply my comment, just post some more: tell me, how was it at first, same doubts, same feeling you are just forcing yourselves to be together?
I am quite harsh in this comment, I know, but I trust you to give me an answer I can understand.
I've seen one common factor in succesful relationships between different nationalities. One of the parties has to accept leaving his culture and joining the other culture. This has to be done willingly, happily, and without remorse or doubt.
:)
Did you tell her you felt like this before putting it on your blog?
Why is it whenever we talk about different cultures we always resort to the stereotypes? I don't mean you personally, it's something I think everyone is guilty of.
I disagree with Global Cairene. I am multiethnic and I am also in a relationship with someone who is of a different ethnicity than me. Instead of one partner being willing to leave their culture behind, I've found that there is more success in those relationships where both people are willing to "expand" their heritage by adopting each other's background.
Both my husband and I are the products of inter-ethnic marriages that didn't work. The thing our parents' marriages had in common was that one partner was pressured to ignore the cultural differences that existed in the relationship.
Instead of thinking in terms of what you might have to give up in order to maintain a relationship, try focusing on all that you would gain (e.g. a new world perspective, those traits/qualities that are commonly found within your partner's culture, a life that is ultimately much richer than it would be if you both shared the same background, etc.).
Of course, I do realize that not everyone seeks such a life. So, if you are unwilling to take these steps with your current partner, I think that you'd be doing her no favor in continuing the relationship but please think carefully before you take this step because it will undoubtedly cause her pain.
If you ever want some one to talk to about this, feel free to come and post a comment on my blog. I wish you the best.
You seem so sad.....that's what I felt when reading this article...just a lot of sadness, lonliness and confusion.
I fully agree with what you said about culture and heritage ... integration is way different than knowledge and exploration. To know, is allright. To integrate, this is far more complex than a lot of people think. How willing are you to change a part of yourself? a part that no one ever gets to. I think this is what people like to call integration. I call it LOSS.
i was about to comment but then i noticed, your post is actually 3 months old!, i bet you changed your mind over and over a hundred times since then. :)
so where have u disappeared to? committed to a foreigner and.... wooosh!... abroad?
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