Thursday, October 06, 2005

The memory of her

I really miss her, miss her love. That's all I miss about her really. No one ever loved me like she did, and no one ever will. She warned me that I'll miss it and will never find anyone to love me like she did. I took it lightly then, but I knew she was right. Our love was too strong, but just didn't have any power to make things work. That's why I don't believe in the power of love. Its just a feeling.

I dreamt of her a couple of weeks back. Was a nice and mellow dream. Was kind of strange, nothing triggered that dream. Wondered why. Was it a dream of her, or of the feelings I felt with her. She's a different person now. I see her and I don't care for her. The dream brought the old person back. Just for a snapshot, to revive the feelings maybe?

Its not her that I miss, its her love. Its her intense, never ending, ever demanding, never satisfied feelings. Its how all my intensity was never enough for her and she always wanted more. Its how the more I dumped myself onto her, the more she's eager to have more of me. Its how she saw all my flaws, yet she knew exactly what was right about me, and she cherished it. She warned me I'd regret losing that, and here I am. Though I don't want her back and I don't miss her, I love what she brought out of me. Thank you. She hated it tamed, loved it wild, but no one else does, and no one else can unleash it again it seems.

"In each of our lives there's a huge delusion called, the First Love."

Today I pray behind my favorite voice and I'm excited about it.


haal said...

'Its how she saw all my flaws, yet she knew exactly what was right about me'.

This is what we are searching for. Too bad you lost one another. You know what I will say!

How touching!

Alina said...

Mo, I once used the same threat for someone I loved deeply...True, I could never get enough love to be pleased and I was tired of my own compromises, but still wanted him around...I thought I could never love anyone that much again or that I will ever be loved like that...I was wrong!Now I know that...

When it's real and the right thing, you feel fulfilled, not always in demand. Or that's just how I see it at this moment.

roora said...

why dont you just try to re-approach her telling her that you wnat to marry her and feel free.

But actually the thing that hs eis different and you dont care for her , must not be true , she is away so you may percieve things differently.

And if it didnt work for nay reason may find some one else who loves you that much or even more but what is important is to appreciate by then

wonder where did you pray behind him , the reciter ?